Mid-winter blues

Maybe I wasn't getting enough vitamin D.  Maybe it's andropause.  Maybe I was de-stressing after a Christmas that seemed to last a full month.  Or maybe it was simple sloth.  Whatever the cause, I had little motivation the past week.  I slept late, lingered around the house, watched too much television and stayed up too late.

I know the signs of incipient depression.  I also know how to shake it, before it becomes a problem.  Get out and about.  Get active.  Whether I want to or not.  That's the thing about depression:  it robs one of the will to do the very things that prevent and cure it.

So yesterday, after I woke in Sue's arms, I walked down to the Market on a few errands.  The air smelled fresh, and the sun felt good.  Squirrels fussed in the trees, and pigeons cooed along eavetroughs.  I ran into Susan and Thomas emerging from Fathers and Sons.  I said hello to Ian, as he waited for a green light to resume his run.  Along the sidewalks, pretty girls abounded, with bright eyes and flushed cheeks.  The shops bustled.  As I waited in the checkout line at La Bottega, the aroma of roasting chestnuts wafted through the doors, to mingle with the scent of coffee and and olives.  I paused at the window of Belle de Provence to dream of warm breezes and fields of lavendar.  Later, at home, I wrote a verse of a new song.  Life felt good.

Today I rose with a plan to accomplish a few positive things:  laundry, a bit of personal writing, a bit of work.  I deliberately eschewed a coat or sweater as I walked between the house and the Co-op laundry, just to feel the sun and air on my arms.  I listened to a hour of The Sunday Edition on the radio, and wrote an e-mail in reply to a story.  I gave Sue a bit of help painting in the bathroom.  I grilled a sandwich of ham, cheese, pickles and hot peppers.  In a few minutes, I'll make some tea and start work on some City work.  This evening, after supper, maybe I'll walk over to the fitness centre and stretch my limbs.  Or maybe I'll practice some yoga with Sue.

Time and again, experience confirms a basic truth:  I can't think my way to positive living; I must live my way to positive thinking.